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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Learn To Let Go

Today I was blessed with a warm hug and a new devotional book from my precious friend Lorie. As I read many thoughts came to mind. I really do have so many issues I need and want to let go. Why is it so hard for me? Maybe because I'm not complete, I don't take or make the time to bask in the Light of His Love or I don't rest in His Presence. Who better to give your issues to? If you give something away, something precious, how simple it should be to hand them to Jesus. Thank you Jesus for your perfect timing. Thank you for teaching me and loving me every second of everyday. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you Lorie for being my friend and giving me such a wonderful gift. I needed this lesson today and I have a feeling I'll need all the other ones as well.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Missing You

Casey & Aaden

Last August 8th, my first born nephew Casey Edward Honey turned 22. He has been a huge part of my life since the day he arrived. When I went on vacation, he was right there with us. My love for him has always been just like he was my own son. The same month he turned 22 he took his life. I'm not sure why, I think that's what makes it so hard. Not that it wouldn't hurt if he had left a note. The what ifs and whys .... can really drive you nuts. I believe he just couldn't handle what life had tossed him. He was trying to be a responsible Dad to a beautiful baby boy Aaden, was engaged to be married and was to leave in two weeks for the service. I also believe that for him to leave Aaden whom he loved so so much he had to be in so much pain, more than I could ever imagine. No one had a clue. His sweet momma Kim called me on a Friday morning on my way to work... I will never forget that day. We buried him the following Sunday. End of the story... no. The next Friday I received another phone call. Kim could not take the pain of losing her only child and took her life. We buried her next to Casey the following Sunday. It's been seven months and the hurt is still here. I know that Kim ask for forgiveness and felt the need to be with her son. I know that for Casey to end his life he was in great pain. I know that God does not turn His head when someone is in that much distress. I know that God was there with him and in his final breath he ask Him to forgive him. I know that I have no regrets. I had a good relationship with them both. They both knew I would have done anything for them. I still question myself... what if... what if. I miss you my sweet boy and my sweet friend Kim.